Back and bestomached

07 Feb

Oh irony, why must you always come and trump me with your skulky, stealthy three steps ahead of me. I am back and have suffered from severe stomach upset, I hate the phrase ‘delhi belly’, despite using it earlier, and I laughed at those who claimed it was inevitable to get it from India and yet here I am clutching my belly and whimpering into my kurta top. Yes, I am officially trumped, smart-arsed, whipped, befooled, you name it, my stomach couldn’t handle it. Actually I blame it on the flight food, who serves a chicken drumstick with nan bread on a long haul flight anyway?

Aside from jennifer’s issues, I feel alright being back in England, although that could be mainly because I haven’t actually left my house in the last week and therefore have remained in a protected cocoon ignoring the disasterous state of affairs in Britain and my neighbourhood (I noticed a new traffic light cross section on  the road down from mine, how can things change so drastically and catastrophically in three months). Home comforts have been nice, particularly as my last few days in India were mainly spent on night buses, one of which was a particular sadist’s delight as it was the most freezing bus I had ever been on in my life – the window wouldn’t close properly but I swear they had the AC on for some unbeknown ridiculous reason – while I wiped icicles off my nose, I also contended with an iron bar above my bunk which screwed unloose everytime we went over a bump – and seeing as there was nothing but bumps for 17 hours, I spent the entire journey in catatonic state of frozenness, bumping up and down and periodically being pummelled by an iron bar. Guantanamo Bay please don’t take note.

My trip on the whole however was really something I am proud of, that I achieved this on my own – something I had dreamt of doing for so long – and while it certainly wasn’t easy, it was one of the most rewarding, most meaningful things I’ve ever done. When my stomach returns to a normal state of equilibrium, I will continue in the same vein of adventure and leave my front door soon to buy some milk.


Posted by on February 7, 2011 in Uncategorized


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2 responses to “Back and bestomached

  1. Tee pooh

    February 9, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Given Jennifer’s travails it seems your moniker is more appropriate than ever. I would recommend a non-spicey diet of soup, herbal tea, toast, marmalade and CBeebies. Avoid Indian music as this will lead to Vietnam-style flashbacks. And avoid Indian men at all costs.

  2. explosivechutney

    February 9, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Thanks for the advice but I can’t see how avoiding Indian men would help me, particularly when other men don’t really seem to be in action at the moment. I am but a woman with needs after all, wouldn’t you agree. I do like the herbal tea though.


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